This is What I Have to Say About It

By
David A. Berresford

This series of articles is designed to help the reader reflect upon who they are as a person, why they are who they are,

and how their personality impacts upon their relationship to others.

In the last article, This Is Who I Am (See Archives), we examined how we, as individuals, are a composite of those innate qualities that we inherit and those factors that we experience through our senses. This combination forms our frame of reference. This foundational, fundamental nature of our being greatly determines who we are and how we behave as a parent, child, employee, subordinate, supervisor, leader, follower, student, teacher, competitor, and etc. In this article we will examine the manner in which we define our world through language.

Looking at the illustration, we see how we express our thoughts through words.

See Illustration

These words are defined in our minds by our frame of reference. Because of our varied frames of reference, words do not mean the same to all individuals who use them and are most often delineated in context. For example, what is a “mouse?” Everyone knows that a mouse is a small rodent, or is it the part of the computer system that moves the cursor?

A “disc” (variant of “disk”) is something a farmer uses to cultivate ground, or is it something that has recordings imprinted on it, or perhaps a part of an automobile’s brake system, or are we speaking of part of a person’s spinal column?

In our communication with others it is important that we consider the context of that communication and the frame of reference held to by the person to whom we are addressing. It is, therefore, important to define our terms.

My wife was going around telling everyone I was a model husband. I was thrilled until I read the definition of “model” and found out it was a cheap imitation of the real thing. This didn’t really happen but it does illustrate the point. While doing inner city work in NYC I stopped at a delicatessen owned by a church member I knew. She asked me if I wanted a soda. Not caring for “sodas” but not wanting to be ungrateful, I said, “Only a small one, please.” She looked at me strangely and said that they only came in one size while at the same time taking a can of “pop” out of the cooler.

Poor jokes and soda pop are minimal problems in the miscommunication world. When addressing matters of religion, politics, and business the issue takes on much greater weight. For example, a common term in American and even world language is “Christian.” Most readers of this article would have an immediate impression as to the meaning of this term and would probably assume that everyone else had the same impression. However, when we look at the term more universally, “Christian” or “Christianity” takes on various meanings.

To the evangelical (Another word that has various meanings depending on the individual’s frame of reference.) Christian, Christianity denotes a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and the privilege and obligation to share that relationship with other people. To others, Christianity is a social and political reality with national boundaries. Some would even see Christianity in the context of an “oppressive church structure” both historically and culturally.

Language is also powerful because of its ability to tap into memory and bring to mind various emotional and intellectual responses. A memory trigger is any experience that prompts the recall of a past experience. A verbal trigger can be especially effective. If I say to the reader, “Under no circumstances are you to think about an elephant. Do not think about an ELEPHANT!” How many readers are now thinking about an elephant? Your elephant may look a little different than mine, due to our different frames of reference, but, nevertheless, the creature is now in the living room. Did we just visualize the elephant in the room?

Some speakers use what I call “slight of hand” communication. They appear to be saying one thing but in reality are saying just the opposite. “I don’t care what anybody says, Bob is not a liar.” What did you really hear? By saying “Bob is not a liar,” we have actually called into question his honesty. Not only do we question his honesty, apparently others are doing so as well because “anybody” is out there calling him a liar.

Language is a powerful tool and can be used for good or bad, uplifting or tearing down, encouraging or discouraging. To be an effective communicator, we must consider the frame of reference of the hearer and examine our own motives when we share information.

In the next article we will observe how verbal language is only one part of the communication picture.